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Nothing kills desire more than obligation.⁣ ⁣ Last week a friend shared with me that she had been given advice by someone she trusted to have sex with her partner even though she didn’t want to. My friend was told, “Just do it because you owe it to him”. FUCK THAT!⁣ ⁣ I am going to write this loud and clear: 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐗 𝗪𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐈𝐅 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝗪𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎! You do not owe anyone access to your body, at any time, any place, for any reason, without your FULL ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT. Even if he’s your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, even if it’s been a really long time, even if it’s a holiday, even if they threaten to fucking leave you. If you’re not feeling it, don’t do it! ⁣ ⁣ You have autonomy over your body and you have the agency to do with it what you want to do with it. ⁣ ⁣ When we have sex out of obligation it teaches our body that it can’t trust us. Obligatory sex denies us information that is critical to the development of our self-worth and understanding. There are a ton of reasons that influence why we might not be feeling desire but if we “push through and just do it”, it robs us access to that essential information about what is really going on. ⁣ ⁣ Nothing kills desire more than obligation, my friends. ⁣ ⁣ Listen to your body. Listen to your intuition. Listen to your heart. Listen to your beautiful soul. ⁣ ⁣ ~Mia⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Photo: @upsplash⁣ ⁣ #consent #desire #yourbody #yourchoice #fuckobligation #autonomy #agency #selflove⁣ #sextherapy #sextherapist #passion #passionate ⁣⁣#choice #empoweringwomen #empowerment #mybodymychoice #radicalselflove #selfcare #womenempowerment
This might be my favorite equation of all time 🔥⁣ ⁣ I found “The Erotic Equation” in the book The Erotic Mind by Jack Morin. In romantic and sexual relationships, attraction ignited by curiosity and the challenge of overcoming an obstacle results in excitement. ⁣ ⁣ Obstacles are unique and variable. In long-term sexual relationships, the essence of obstacles is that they change over time. Obstacles do not equate to drama; instead they can be the push-pull of flirtation, an erotic tension that you can play with, the mysterious adventure of lost and found. ⁣ ⁣ Eroticism by nature is paradoxical: it is both joyful and dangerous; it is life-giving and it is troublesome; it is intimate and it is passionate. Eroticism is connected to many aspects of the human existence. As @esterperel so beautifully says, fire needs oxygen. ⁣ ⁣ I invite you to consider, what are some fun, sexy, and erotic obstacles that exist in your relationships? What obstacles could you create as oxygen to ignite the fire? ⁣ ⁣ ~Mia ⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣ #passion #passionate #intimate #therapy #lgbtq #gay #transgender #love #kink #fire #lesbian #queer #radicalselflove #attraction #loveatfirstsight #seattle
—𝐄𝐝𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠—⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ is the intentional practice of delaying and controlling orgasm. It’s arousing yourself or another to the “edge” of climax.⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ Why might we want to delay orgasm? Edging can intensify the pleasurable experience of orgasm. It can also assist with performance anxiety and orgasm control over ejaculation and/or orgasms that occur earlier than desired (premature ejaculation).⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ You can practice edging solo, with a partner, or with multiple partners.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ So, how do we practice edging solo? Thank you @healthline for articulating this process beautifully: ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ 1) 𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥. Lock the doors, turn down the lights, put on some music, use an oil diffuser for atmosphere, and so on.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ 2) 𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐝. Close your eyes and start touching yourself until your penis gets hard or your vagina gets wet. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ 3) 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠. Stroke your penis, stimulate your clitoris, or whatever else you know can make you come.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ 4) 𝗪𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞, 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. Take your hands away or slow down your movements. Take deep breaths or open your eyes, if you need.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ 5) 𝐆𝐨 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝. Take note of how your body changes: Do you feel tenser? More excited? Sweating or shaking more? ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ 6) 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫. After your break, repeat steps 1–3 again. Do this until you feel ready to orgasm. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ 7) 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐠𝐨! 𝐀𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐬𝐦. You might notice your orgasm lasts longer or feels more intense. Pay close attention to the feeling and see if edging made any difference in how much pleasure you feel.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ For additional info, see the link in my bio!⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ~Mia⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ Image @pinterest ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ #edging #pleasure #LGBTQ #sextherapy #therapy #instamood #selfcare #radicalselflove #gay #queer #sexeducation
Condoms are like bras. If you’re not wearing the right size, it’s not working for ya. If you feel like your condom is affecting your pleasure, you might be wearing the wrong size.⁣ ⁣⁣ In order to know what condom is best, I recommend measuring your penis. You can use a ruler or measuring tape. To get the right size, measure your penis while it’s erect. If you measure your penis when it’s flaccid, you’ll only get measurements at its minimum size. This means you could end up buying a condom smaller than you need. ⁣You’ll need to know your length, width, and girth in order to know the right condom fit.⁣ ⁣ Head to the link in the bio to check out a sizing guide!⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Photo by @hanna_panchenko⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ #condoms #lgbtq #seattle #safesex #intimacy #gay #lesbian #transgender #queer #sexed #ballard #sextherapy #seattletherapy #education #sex #bdsm #kink #kinky #sexeducation #sextherapist #sextherapy #education #penissize #penismanual
According to @tristantaormino, one of my go-to experts on ENM (ethical non-monogamy), “Compersion is taking joy in your partner’s pleasure or happiness with another partner”. As I explain it to clients, compersion is the feeling of joy a person experiences in response to another person’s joy. @tristantaormino allocates a whole chapter in her book Opening Up on this amazing feeling that was coined by members of the Kerista Commune as part of their philosophy of multipartner polyfidelitous relationships. ⁣ ⁣ Compersion is sometimes considered the feeling that is the “opposite of jealousy”. Others frameworks deem it to “coexist with jealousy”. Taormino writes, “for some, compersion can be learned, and like anything else it takes patience and practice. We are taught that jealousy is innate, natural, instinctual...Jealousy is a learned behavior. The first step to achieving compersion is to work on unlearning jealousy - letting go of feelings of insecurity, possessiveness, and fear.” ⁣ ⁣ For others, compersion comes naturally! I have personally felt the amazing feeling of compersion and I have felt jealousy. I’ve felt compersion and jealousy in different relationships systems and I’ve felt them at varying times in the same relational structure. ⁣ ⁣ Stay tuned for future posts on jealousy because exploring how we feel it, why we feel it, and what we can do with it offers us a ton of insightful information with practical implications. ⁣ ⁣ For more information on ethical non-monogamy and opening up check out @drlizpowell book Building Open Relationships and @tristantaormino’s book Opening Up. Both are awesome resources!⁣ ⁣ -Mia⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ #wellness #joy #happy #pleasure #sex #sextherapy #therapy #seattle #lgbtq #queer #transgender #love #radicalself #relationshipgoals #selfcare #selflove #worthy #beautiful #gay #ballard #bookclub #partnership #lover
...𝐕𝐮𝐥𝐯𝐚 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐯𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬!...⁣ ⁣ It’s time for our culture to accept that 𝐀𝐋𝐋 vulvas are beautiful and that (unless we have something off going on) the female body smells exactly as it should. Your natural scent changes throughout the month depending on where you are in your cycle. ⁣ ⁣ Your vagina (the internal canal) is a self cleaning organ. Soap and/or other products that consumerism tries to sell us, are counterintuitive to our body’s natural process. Soap teaches your vagina that you will take over the cleaning process, and she no longer needs to. Try thoroughly rinsing your vulva (swipe through photos for a diagram) with warm water and let your lady do her magic. Please steer clear from douching! ⁣ ⁣ If you find that you are experiencing a more pungent scent, here are a few reasons why that may be. (Remember, always consult your doctor if you have any concerns)⁣ •Extra fishy: may be a sign of Bacterial Vaginosis (BV); if this happens, no big deal just have your doc check things out @plannedparenthood⁣ •Metallic smell: your period might be approaching so your body is giving you a heads up. How cool is that?⁣ •Extra cheesy smell or discharge: might be a yeast infection so again, check in with your doc. Some discharge is totally normal!⁣ Red, burning, itchy: go see that doc!⁣ ⁣ Keep your vulva and vagina safe, healthy, and happy! Here are some 𝐭𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐬: ⁣ Eat healthy foods like fruits and veggies. ⁣ Solid sleep hygene.⁣ Drink a ton of water.⁣ Take probiotics.⁣ Showering before sex can increase confidence but it really isn’t necessary. ⁣ Pee after sex.⁣ Wear underwear with cotton liners. Cotton kills to wear when hiking but it heals when worn daily. ⁣ Wash new clothes before you wear them. ⁣ ⁣ And remember, you are exactly as you should be. 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥. ⁣ ⁣ -Mia⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Photos and art: @pinterest @thedivacup ⁣dermalmd.com ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ #vagina #wellness ⁣#radicalself #curvy #selfcare #selflove #worthy #beautiful #vulva #youareenough⁣⁣ #pride #lgbtq #womenshealth #lesbian #gay #proud #tips #healthy
𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐮𝐩 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐧𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫. ⁣ ⁣ Over the last few years there has been a shift in the beauty industry. Influencers like @makeup.messiah @patrickstarrr and @thomashalbert have used their talents to bring visibility to the LGBTQ community. With companies like @sephora offering free “Classes for Confidence” to the transgender community, I can’t wait to see what the future of this outlet holds! To find out more about the program, or find a class near you, head to the link in my bio. ⁣ Keep growing, keep glowing!⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ #radicalself #curvy #selfcare #selflove #worthy #beautiful #youareenough⁣ #womemlikeus #transgender #trans #sephora #pride #mua #gay #lesbian #seattle #therapy
According to Masters and Johnson (the grandparents of sex therapy), anxiety is the root of most sexual dysfunctions. M & J coined the term ‘Spectatoring’ to describe the expereince a person has of watching themself during sex and monitoring their own - as well as their partner’s - sexual performance rather than focusing on the sensations of the sexual experience itself. ⁣ ⁣ Sound familiar?⁣ ⁣ Spectatoring is typically accompanied by negative internal dialogue (what I call the itty-bitty-shitty-committee) that a person is not ‘performing as they should’ which contributes to the stress response of anxiety. If we find ourselves ‘performing’ during sex, chances are we are not immersed in our current sexual expereince. I recently heard @tammynelson talk about this idea of performance as a Western phenomena. If we feel we need to perform in a certain way during sex, how can we really expereince the full sensations of pleasure? ⁣ ⁣ Guess what can help with spectatoring and performance anxiety? Again, mindfulness. Check out the link in my profile for Lori’s book! When practiced regularly and with intention, mindfulness can absolutely improve your sex life.⁣ ⁣ -Mia⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ #selfcare #selflove #worthy #beautiful⁣⁣ #pride #lgbtq #lgbt #gay #therapy #mindfulness #sexualhealing #radicalselflove #instagay #intamacy #sexeducation #seattle #lesbian #love #proud #mindfulnessmeditation #intention #bettersex #sensual #slowdown #calm #nonjudgement #nonjudgmental #sextherapy #sextherapist #relationshipgoals
When I work with clients experiencing sexual dysfunction or low sexual desire, I ask folks to recall a recent and pleasurable sexual experience. Often, the responses include words and phrases such as “present”, “intimacy”, “in tune with each other”, and “connection”. During these encounters, folks express feeling fully-present and fully aware of the sensations felt in their bodies. ⁣ ⁣ How do we turn our focus away from the never-ending long to-do lists in order to cultivate sexual desire? Mindfulness. ⁣ ⁣ Mindfulness, being present in the moment, is the key to unlocking sexual desire. ⁣ ⁣ “We have abundant evidence that distraction and inattention can interfere with sexual arousal and that people with sexual difficulties may have attention impairments that contribute to their sexual concerns. Can mindfulness increase attention and boost sexual functioning? The answer is most definitely, yes!” (Lori Brotto in Better Sex Through Mindfulness)⁣ ⁣ Mindfulness can help unlock sexual desire by cultivating attention, being present in your body, and experiencing the sensations of being fully alive.⁣ ⁣ -Mia⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Photo: @pinterest⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ #mindfulness #desire #intamacy #pride #connection #present #therapy #sexualhealing #selfcare #radicalselflove #selflove #lgbtq #gay #queer #lesbian #love #proud #sexeducation
“Body confidence doesn’t come from trying to achieve the perfect body; it comes from embracing the one you already have” -Livingly ⁣ ⁣ Amazing photo and body positive brand @fatmermaids ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ #radicalself #curvy #selfcare #selflove #worthy #beautiful #youareenough #pride #proud #love #lesbian #gay #lgbt #queer #plussize #womenempowerment