Messages about our bodies and our sexuality play major roles in our ability to orgasm. If we learn early that are bodies are supposed to respond within a time constraint (or that we should forgo our own pleasure for someone else’s), how then can we feel free to experience pleasure on our own time? If we don’t know how they work, how can we expect others to give us what we need?
We prioritize our health, our relationships, our values, and even our possessions, so why do we have such a hard time prioritizing pleasure?
Just in case you didn’t learn it elsewhere: Your body belongs to nobody else but you. Your body was made for pleasure. Pleasure is not shameful; pleasure is healthy. Self pleasuring is self care.
One benefit of exploring fantasies and better understanding our unique desires is that it not only improves our sex lives (and thus our quality of life) but it also de-stigmatizes the socially constructed ideas of what is normal.
Does your own concept of sex mean penetration? Does it always lead to orgasm? Or is it an activity that elicits pleasure? Does sex have to involve genitals? Or is it simply erotic touch? Can you have sex solo? Or does it involve a plus one, or a plus two?
People forget that they once shivered with excitement at the way he smelled after a shower, the way she unzipped her dress, the way they knew exactly where to nibble and when. The thing is, if eroticism existed once, it exists all along - we just have to find it.
As human beings, we are directly affected by the world around us. When our worlds are inundated with the stressors of work, family (as much as we love them), and the logistics of everyday living, it’s important that we find ways to calm our senses, soothe our bodies, and meaningfully connect to ourselves and with our intimates.